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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23615932">River Part 4</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingformadderton/pseuds/writingformadderton'>writingformadderton</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>River [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rocketman (2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drunken Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:47:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23615932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingformadderton/pseuds/writingformadderton</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Taron begins to reflect on the Christmas he now has to spend alone and his previous Christmas with Rich. To make matters worse, he sees a media report of Rich and Brandon, possibly dating?? He runs into Rich and Brandon. They try to have a discussion, but it doesn’t exactly go smoothly. Later on in the night, the two men see each other in the bar. They meet up to chat, but things get a bit steamy….</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Taron Egerton/Richard Madden</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>River [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>River Part 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taron turns on his side groaning and rubs his forehead when he wakes up. He pulls the blanket up higher on his body and his body shakes from the cold. A year ago, he wasn’t cold in the morning. A year ago, he was being cuddled on Christmas morning and he felt safe and warm. He thinks back to that day and smiles sadly. <br/>--<br/>He looks out of the window and sees the snow falling down and covering everything in an elegant white blanket. Taron shivers a bit and turns around, seeing his boyfriend sleeping peacefully. He can’t hide a soft smile seeing him and strokes over his cheek, barely touching him.  </p>
<p>Richard opens his eyes slowly and smiles seeing him. “Morning.” he says in his raspy, sleep coated voice and rubs his face tiredly. </p>
<p>“Morning.” Taron whispers and comes closer to his Scottish lover. He bops his nose with his own and kisses him sweetly. </p>
<p>Richard hums happily into the kiss and lazily puts his arm around him. “You’re cold baby. Let me warm you up.” he mumbles tiredly.</p>
<p>Taron obliges and crawls back into bed. He cuddles into him and enjoys the warmth of Richard’s body pressed against his, while listening to his breaths and realizing he’s drifting off back to sleep already.<br/>--<br/>That day started off so peacefully, but ended in tears. Taron sighs and rolls onto his back again, staring at the ceiling. Maybe he still would have Richard next to him if he didn’t lose his temper a year ago. “Bullshit. He’s better without you.” he tells himself and gets up, shivering. He throws on a hoodie and some sweatpants, and walks downstairs. He had nowhere to go today, celebrating Christmas on his own. Sounds like fun. </p>
<p>He makes a cup of coffee and turns the TV, planting himself on the sofa. Nothing interesting is on at the moment, so he flips through the programs bored. Suddenly a picture of Richard smiling shuffles over the screen and Taron stops. </p>
<p>“Richard Madden was seen out yesterday in a restaurant. But he wasn’t alone. Whoever thought he wasn’t over his ex-boyfriend Taron Egerton seems to be wrong.” the lady in the TV tells him from the screen.</p>
<p>Pictures of Taron and Richard kissing, holding hands while on a walk, and Rich smirking down at him as he held Taron in his arms are shuffling over the screen. Then Taron’s favorite photo appears. They are standing in front of a window and Richard had already gotten his award that night. Both of them are wearing their suits and are laughing happily together.</p>
<p>“God. They’re still making news ‘bout that.” Taron groans and rolls his eyes. He goes to skip the program when a new picture appears. “Is that Brandon?” he whispers and leans forward. Hie eyes widen as he inspects the picture.</p>
<p>Richard and Brandon sit in a restaurant, smiling softly and holding hands. Richard’s blue eyes are full of happiness and Brandon looks at him adoringly. </p>
<p>Taron swallows and leans back again. “Now I know why he said he couldn’t do this right now.” he mumbles to himself and shakes his head slightly. “He just simply replaced you.” </p>
<p>He turns the television off and stares at the table in front of him. Now it was official, Richard moved on. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rich, can you come down here for a second?” Brandon shouts upstairs and goes back into the living room. Shit, shit, shit! </p>
<p>Richard walks downstairs and sees Brandon sitting on the sofa in front of the TV. “What’s wrong?” He asks. Then he sees the picture of them holding hands and falls down on the sofa next to him. “Shit.”  </p>
<p>“Yeah. Those two seconds make it look like we were on a date.” Brandon chuckles weakly and leans back into a pillow. He turns his head towards Richard. “I’m sorry, Rich.” </p>
<p>“It’s not your fault. Damn paparazzi.” he groans and leans back as well. His thoughts are racing. How would his friends react to that? Would he really have to explain it to everyone? </p>
<p>“You’re okay?” </p>
<p>“Mm.” </p>
<p>“Are you worried he’ll see this?” Brandon asks and looks at him understandingly. </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Richard sighs a bit. But why did he even care? As long as Taron refused change himself and his actions, there wouldn’t be anything happening between them. And he didn’t have to explain anything him due to the fact that Brandon is his best mate and nothing more. Taron wasn’t that gullible, right?</p>
<p>“Maybe you should call him.” he suggests slowly. </p>
<p>“Later maybe.” Rich stares at the picture of Brandon and him and swallows. It looked quite realistic and like they were actually on a date. Of course, they would take a picture in that short moment when he promised Brandon to be careful. It was an intimate and beautiful moment between friends, but the way it was shown here, without any background information, was just wrong. “You sure you won’t regret staying here for Christmas?” </p>
<p>The American rolls his bright green eyes and grins. “Yeah. I mean I can still celebrate with my family next week if they want too. I can be with my best mate for one holiday.” he explains chuckling. </p>
<p>“Okay then. Wanna go out for a walk? Enjoy the Christmas atmosphere?” Rich asks and Brandon agrees. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Taron gets up and decides to go out for a walk. He needs some fresh air after the shocking news he was shown. Taron steps outside and shivers. Suddenly, the snow isn’t making him happy. It reminds him of the cold and lonely Christmas he’ll spend alone this year. His mother invited him over for Christmas, but after he saw Richard, he canceled and said he was sick, not wanting to destroy his family’s day.  </p>
<p>He closes the door behind him and steps into the freezing snow. He just walks around through London without a destination. No matter where he looks, he sees joyful people and some out with their partners. Taron sighs a bit and rubs his face. What was he even doing here? He should be at home sulking and accepting that this day wouldn’t get better.  </p>
<p>He looks up and checks his surroundings. They seem a bit too familiar to him. Taron was on Richard’s street now. Rich moved back here when he kicked him out. He quickly looks down at the floor again and walks away fast. His only goal was to hurry up and get onto another street. Suddenly, he bumps into someone and looks up apologizing. “I’m sorry… Rich.” </p>
<p>“We should stop doing that.” Richard says, smiling weakly and looks down at him. </p>
<p>Both of them take a step back and take a deep breath. Taron recognizes Brandon next to Richard. “Hey, Taron. It’s been a long time. Good to see you.” Brandon says and waves his hand with a bright smile. </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Taron just presses out through gritted teeth and let his eyes wander over the two. Would Richard really do this? With his own best friend? He looks back at Brandon. Bright green eyes behind thin framed glasses, soft brown hair and a bright smile. Things that Richard loved about him back then. </p>
<p>“Taron, we need to talk.” Richard says. </p>
<p>Taron folds his arms in front of his chest and looks at him. “Do we? Richard, you told me two days ago that you can’t do this with me at the moment. I respect that, okay? I know you’re better off without me.” he shrugs his shoulders and bites his lip. Here goes the built-up anger.</p>
<p>“Taron, I never said I’m better off without you. All I said is that you need to stop hurting yourself. It isn’t good for either of us and that’s the only reason I can’t be with you at the moment.” Richard explains and it makes Taron angry. </p>
<p>“Yeah, because it’s so easy to get away from something I’ve been doing for years now.” he spits out sourly. </p>
<p>Rich watches him sadly and shakes his head. “You could have stopped six years ago if you listened to me for once.” </p>
<p>“We see what it did to us right? I’m still the same, 6 years later. You went to therapy to cope with this. Not exactly what I would see as beneficial for you.” Taron feels tears burning in his eyes. “But I can’t just stop, Rich.” </p>
<p>Brandon seesaws on his toes. It was one thing to hear about what happened, but seeing the two broken men in front of him now is hard. Both of them wish back to the good days, but both of them know it isn’t possible until something changes. And both of them know Taron isn’t able to quit his toxic behavior just yet. <br/>He sees the tears in Taron’s eyes, helpless and hopeless, full of guilt and self-hate. The way he hides the scars under his hoodie, he can easily tell he isn’t doing well with it either. <br/>Brandon looks back at his best friend and sees those sad dark blue eyes, hears the hurt and guilt in his voice. He can see how much he wants to take him back and erase the past. <br/>It is horrible to watch them and he just wants to grab them both, send them to therapy together and let them work out everything once and for all.  </p>
<p>“What do you expect me to do then?” Richard asks tiredly and rubs his face.  </p>
<p>“Just be happy, Rich. Don’t think about me okay? I’m really not worth it.” Taron starts quietly.  </p>
<p>“Taron-.” Richard voice is full of pain and Brandon looks at him worried. This wasn’t good.  </p>
<p>“No I’m serious. You’re better off without me. And if you’re happy with Brandon, then that’s okay with me.” he lies through his teeth and presses his lips together tightly.</p>
<p>“Uh, I’m sorry to interrupt. But Richard and I-.” Brandon points at both of them. “we aren’t a thing actually. This picture that came up was just a moment between good friends and-.”  </p>
<p>“Just like I said it’s okay. Have a great day and take care of each other. I hope you’re happy Rich.” Taron says and walks away quickly, feeling a tear rolling down his cheek.  </p>
<p>Richard stands there speechless, unable to find the right thoughts or words. He knows he should stop Taron and tell him that what Brandon said is true. He knows he shouldn’t let him walk away clearly hurt. But he can’t. It’s like his brain decided to stop working suddenly and wouldn’t go back to normal. “Can-can we go home please?” he asks with a tiny and shaky voice. </p>
<p>Brandon looks at him sadly. “Sure.” he just says and they walk next to each other, silent and keeping distance between them the entire way back to Richard’s place. Brandon opens the door and looks at Richard, who is ghostly pale and silent. “Come here.” he says softly and opens his arms.  </p>
<p>Richard looks into the soft green eyes of his mate and falls into his open arms. He buries his face in his shoulder and takes in his scent that calms him down. Brandon became his safe place when he and Taron broke up, and now it’s happening all over again. He just hugs him tiredly and tries to push everything aside. But it doesn’t work that easily. “Do you think I should forget about him as well?” he asks shy and looks at him. </p>
<p>Brandon contorts his face a bit and shakes his head. “Not forget. You should distance yourself from him until he gets everything under control. But don’t forget him or tell yourself you’re better off without him and give up. It’s clear that you two want to work it out. Don’t lose hope.”</p>
<p>“Yeah that makes it so hard to keep the distance.” he sighs and leans back into his embrace. </p>
<p>“Do you want me to stay longer? I have nothing to do at the moment and the next few weeks I would sit around at home and literally do nothing anyway.” Brandon runs his fingers through Richard’s soft curls.  </p>
<p>“Would you really do that for me?” Rich asks surprised and leans back to look him in the eyes. </p>
<p>“Of course. You’re my best friend.” Brandon says chuckling and shrugs his shoulders. </p>
<p>“I would love to have you here longer, if you like.” Richard admits shy and smiles. </p>
<p>“That’s a plan then.” he smirks and hugs him tightly again. </p>
<p>“Thank you. I really don’t deserve you.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you ever say that again!” Brandon says, slightly irritated, and shoots him a glare. “You’re my friend and you are amazing. You deserve the best.” Richard just chuckles weakly and shakes his head. “I’m gonna take you out tonight. Let’s go and have a few drinks, have some fun.”  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That evening, Taron finds himself sat next to Jamie, who’s laughing hysterically about something he said. Jamie called earlier and asked him if he wanted to go for a few drinks. So, they went to their favorite place in town. Both of them already a few drinks in and are a bit drunk. </p>
<p>A few tables further away, Richard and Brandon are laughing and piss drunk. They wanted to set a steady pace and enjoy the night, but both of them kept ordering drinks back-to-back and were having the best time ever. Rich lets his eyes wander around the room and suddenly looks straight into Taron’s blueish green eyes. Taron gasps silently, but smiles weakly and Richard tears his gaze away, knowing they needed to finish the discussion they started earlier. He looks down at his drink for a moment and hesitates. Ah, fuck it. He looks back at Taron and nods his head to the side, in direction of the toilets. Taron nods agreeing, telling Jamie he’ll be back soon and that he has to talk to someone. Richard leans in towards Brandon and explains him the situation in his ear. </p>
<p>His American pal pats him on the shoulder with a nod. “I think talking is good. Just try to not say something dumb, you two are drunk!” Rich laughs and gets up, making his way towards his pained ex-lover. “Good luck!”</p>
<p>“Hey.” Taron says quietly when Rich walks in and leans against the sink. It makes him nervous being completely alone with Richard, in this moment, while they are drunk. He knows from their past that both of them get quite creative and the urge to fill their primal needs is too great when they were drunk. Which is something that shouldn’t happen tonight. It can’t, for both their sake.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Rich says and plays with his hands nervously. “Taron, about earlier. Brandon was serious. There is nothing going on between us. If you must know, I promised him I would take care of myself when that photo was taken.” </p>
<p>Taron shakes his head and contorts his face. “No, Rich. It’s okay. Listen, even if something would have happened between you two that night, it isn’t my business. And you looked happy so-.”  </p>
<p>Richard takes a step forward and looks at him seriously. “I wouldn’t do that to you, T. Don’t be stubborn.”</p>
<p>“I miss you.” Taron sighs suddenly and can barely look him in the eyes. Seeing him here and not having him closer, in his arms, hurts. “But I know I can’t have you.” He whispers more to himself, but Rich catches that last part.</p>
<p>“I miss you too.” Rich admits and comes closer again. What are you doing, Rich? Don’t let the alcohol consume you and force you to make a mistake!</p>
<p>“I miss our good times you know.” Taron pushes himself away from the sink and comes closer as well.  Stop, Taron, stop! Don’t come closer!</p>
<p>“Me too. I find myself thinking about them way too often nowadays.” It’s the first time he finally admitted his thoughts that came late at night. They are standing in front of each other now, only mere inches away and it hurts them both not being able to touch each other. “Taron, I-.”  </p>
<p>Taron feels the alcohol in his veins boosting his confidence and he lies his finger on Richard’s lips gently. “Shh.” he says and both get lost in each other’s eyes. “I’m still addicted to you, damn.” he whispers a bit shocked. </p>
<p>Richard feels his heart beating in his chest and his brain screaming NO! at him. But…he sees the need in Taron’s eyes, how it hangs on his lips like his entire life depended on this moment. And he feels the same. He pulls Taron closer and brings his face closer to Taron’s. “I’m gonna regret this right?”  </p>
<p>“Can you just live in the moment for fucking once?” Taron breathes out and barely brushes his lips against his own. A shaky moan escapes his lips as he feels heat rushing to his cheeks. This wasn’t right. But it felt as though it did. </p>
<p>“I-.” Richard doesn’t say anything more and grabs his neck, pulling him close. His lips meet Taron’s soft ones and he moans into the kiss.  </p>
<p>Taron groans as soon as he feels Richard’s full lips and his mind stops screaming at him to stop. All he can do is melt into the kiss, cup his face and enjoy it.  <br/>Fuck, he thinks. But he kept on kissing the man he knew all too well, blending out everything else besides Taron standing right in front of him, marveling in the sensation. It feels better than anything he’s felt the last couple of months. Kissing Taron was always something special and it overwhelmed him.<br/>Taron pants a bit and Richard opens his mouth, moaning softly. T pushes his tongue into his mouth and they both growl a bit. The Welsh presses himself close to him and feels his whole body heating up, needy for more.</p>
<p>Fuck…</p>
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